


All I Need to Survive

by hot_damn_louis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Also this is super angsty, Alternate Universe - Radio, And a lot of BBC Radio stuff that I have no idea if its true, Btw a slight sex scene, Don't trust me on any information I provide, Happy Birthday Marija!, Host!Louis, Liam never made it into any dialogue, M/M, Student!Harry, very self indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 14:05:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5931124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hot_damn_louis/pseuds/hot_damn_louis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Lou?” his mum asked, laying a hand on his shoulder as she saddled up next to him, sitting in the barstool next to him. “Are you sure you don’t want Harry here with you? I’m sure that you two wouldn’t be too crowded in your old room,” she added, grabbing envelopes to fill with the reminders.<br/>“He’s just working and can’t afford to take time off, especially since he has to pay for his final term,” Louis lied, plastering on what he thought was his Harry smile. Louis wasn’t going to let his years of acting classes go to waste now. Convincing his mother that he was still in a long term, committed relationship would be the ultimate test of his acting skills.</p><p>Aka Louis and Harry broke up two months ago, neither told their parents about the break up, and Harry is still invited to Lottie's wedding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Need to Survive

**Author's Note:**

> First, Happy Birthday Marija! This is an early birthday gift for the wonderful [imthinkinoutloud](http://imthinkinoutloud.tumblr.com/). Go check her out on Tumblr! She is wonderful.
> 
> Second, I wrote the entirety of this in the past week, and I'm so happy that I actually finished something! I have a few big projects I'm working on, but progress is relatively slow, so we will see when they happen. 
> 
> **Disclaimer:** I know nothing about the personal lives of any of the people mentioned in this. I also do not own anything related to One Direction or their families. I also have never worked at a radio station, or know what it would be like to work at BBC Radio, so none of that is true. 
> 
> Thank you to Kezia, my lovely friend and editor. She got back to me with edits in less than 24 hours, and I'm genuinely impressed. Big big thanks to her. 
> 
> Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Find me on tumblr [@hot-damn-louis](http://hot-damn-louis.tumblr.com/).
> 
> EDIT: Because of a few questions asking for a sequel, if this gets 250 kudos, I will write a sequel. I promise. 
> 
> Title is from Worship by Years & Years.

The event reminders were on the counter, Lottie and her boyfriend’s (now fiance’s) names on every slip. Louis licked yet another envelope, closing the reminder in the fancy envelope that his mum spent a lot on. They were very nice considering the fact that Lottie announced the wedding less than three months ago and hadn’t planned on inviting anyone besides people that were on her phone. 

Then again, no one expected Lottie to drop out of university to marry her boyfriend of 3 years after he won X-Factor. No one expected Tom to have the voice of an angel when he decided to try out for X-Factor. No one could believe that he won the whole thing, too. He was using his prize money to fund their dream wedding, including a big green lawn and the most gorgeous wedding dress for Lottie.

Louis remembered when she started dating Tom in secondary school, back when he was a year older than her and they were completely obsessed with each other. Instead of going to uni, Tom immediately started finding producers to work with and posting YouTube videos of himself performing, just him and his guitar. Through all of that, he stuck with Lottie and Lottie stuck with him. Signing up for X-Factor was what boosted his career, though, and he immediately became a fan favorite. His Youtube videos really helped him throughout the competition.The record deal he signed locked him in for three full albums, meaning that he and Lottie probably had it good for a few years at the very least. 

The proposal was definitely a surprise. He did it at the X-Factor finale after they announced that he had won. It was romantic, insane, and just what Lottie needed to get out of her troubles at university.    

It just reminded Louis of how lonely he was, staying back at his mum’s house with his sisters running around and Lottie coming in and out of the house all the time with oddly specific cute stories about her fiance. There were so many stories of her and Tom taking dance lessons or going to a shop to pick out the cake or the flower scheme that it made Louis want to vomit from the sweetness.  

“Lou?” his mum asked, laying a hand on his shoulder as she saddled up next to him, sitting in the barstool next to him. “Are you sure you don’t want Harry here with you? I’m sure that you two wouldn’t be too crowded in your old room,” she added, grabbing envelopes to fill with the reminders. 

“He’s just working and can’t afford to take time off, especially since he has to pay for his final term,” Louis lied, plastering on what he thought was his Harry smile. Louis wasn’t going to let his years of acting classes go to waste now. Convincing his mother that he was still in a long term, committed relationship would be the ultimate test of his acting skills. 

“I’m sure,” Jay said sympathetically. “The girls are all cleared out, if you want to have a Skype call with him later or summat. I’m sure they’ll be out for another hour, so you can have it quiet,” Jay added, as if Louis was yearning for a good Skype call with Harry. Louis really wanted almost the opposite.  

To play along with the act, Louis stood, sliding the last few reminders towards Jay. “I’ll just go right now, if that’s alright? I want as much time talking to him since I know he’s going to be  free for at least the next hour or so,” Louis said, hoping that his mum would buy the fact that Louis was still in good standing with Harry rather than not speaking to him for nearly six weeks. 

“Go talk to your boy. Who knows? Maybe the next time we plan a wedding, it will be yours!” Jay said, smiling brightly. “After my wedding to Dan, and just a few years later Lottie’s wedding, you have to have one soon,” Jay added, squeezing Louis’ hand gently. 

“Of course, mum,” Louis said with an eye roll, walking out of the kitchen. When he was a safe distance away, he let out a sharp sob, holding his fist to his mouth as he sobbed quietly. He knew he dug himself into this predicament, but hearing so much talk about Harry was getting Louis far too emotional.

It brought back too many nights laying in bed with Harry, cuddling with him and talking about who would take who’s last name. They had agreed that Harry would take Louis’ last name, but it was almost a competition of who would pop the big question first. Harry wanted a traditional wedding, but instead of a black tux, Harry wanted a nice expensive floral suit, not unlike the red one they had found. 

No one had to know that Louis had cried himself to sleep that night, thoughts of Harry and his future on the brain.  

***

“Zayn, help,” Louis said, flopping down hard on his belly on his bed, his laptop open to a Skype video call in front of him. Zayn was smoking a few feet away from his own computer, Niall passed out on the floor at Zayn’s feet. 

“You’re going to have to tell them eventually, you know,” Zayn said, setting his pipe down. “I mean, I’m surprised your mum hasn’t picked up on it already. Plus, have you thought about the fact that in two weeks, when the wedding finally happens, it’s going to be weird if you make an excuse for Harry to not be there, you know? You and Harry have been dating since his first year of uni and now Harry’s 26. That’s eight years, you know. Eight years of complete bliss, which brings me back to my original question: why did you guys break up again?” Zayn said, walking over to his laptop. He picked it up and the camera giggled as Zayn settled down on his bed. 

“I told you, Harry and I had an argument. He wanted me to quit my job at the radio station so I could pursue the acting job I wanted, but it was too high risk of a scenario. Plus, the two schools I applied to turned me down, so I have absolutely no experience except working at BBC Radio 5 reporting footie scores and delivering coffees. I said that Harry should just quit his job at the bakery because I was making enough money to pay rent for our shit flat. I also said that he didn’t need to work and should focus on school. There was other stuff, but that was the basics,” Louis explained, adjusting his beanie on his head. 

“Sounds like you should really clear things up, especially since they just put you on for your own sports segment on Radio 5. Plus, didn’t your bosses say you earned a spot reporting sports for a few minutes on Radio 1 for their news segment during Nick’s airtime?” Zayn asked, running a hand through his messy hair. Zayn looked over to his right, where Niall was still probably passed out on the ground. The look was fond enough that it made Louis turn his head away, his eyes focusing on the train ticket back to London that was sitting on his nightstand. 

“Yes, but how am I supposed to call him up and say, ‘hey, I know we were just arguing about this, but they offered me a promotion and a raise and maybe I can get us a flat that isn’t the shitty hole-in-the-wall next to the cheap student housing’? Harry hasn’t spoken to me in nearly six weeks, and I have to take the train down to London tonight so I can go back to work, so I can’t do it tonight,” Louis said, picking at his nails., 

Zayn huffed. “Just talk to him, okay? There is no one more perfect than the two of you,” Zayn murmured, his eyes catching on something off screen. If Louis had to bet, it was Niall. 

“I don’t know if you remember, but Harry was the one who kicked me out,” Louis replied quietly, as though if he said it quietly, it didn’t happen. Louis remembers the door slamming shut on his face as if it happened just yesterday. 

“Talk. To. Him. Now, if you don’t mind, I have to go get Niall sober enough so that we can go to dinner with his brother,” Zayn said, signing off before Louis had another choice. 

***

“I am Louis Tomlinson, and this was your BBC sports news report,” Louis said, sliding the volume of his microphone down to zero before he said something stupid on air. 

“That was your daily news by our newest correspondent, Louis Tomlinson. Go follow him on Twitter, Instagram, you name it. Now here is Ellie Goulding,” Nick said, clicking the queue for the songs. Nick slid his headphones off, pushing his microphone away from his face. 

Louis slid off his headphones, resting them on the guest microphone in the booth. “Thanks for having me on,” Louis said quietly, breaking the silence that had filled the studio. Louis didn’t know the protocol for the aftermath of a news segment, but because no one was rushing in to tell him to leave, Louis assumed he was okay to stay.  

“Tommo, you’re a thousand times more tolerable than those old farts over on Radio 5, so the pleasure was all mine. I mean, who do you think asked for you to be promoted to full time host? I need some young meat in here so that I don’t go crazy,” Nick said, taking a sip of his tea. 

“You asked for me to be promoted?” Louis asked, confused but in wonder at what Nick was saying. It wasn’t like Louis and Nick had the best friendship. 

The thing with Nick was, when Louis had met him he was still the head DJ at the university radio station, applying for jobs at BBC Radio 3. Harry was interning at the station his first year, which meant that when they started dating in October, Harry was stuck at the station most of the time. Nick was obviously into young Harry, but he never made a move. 

The three of them stayed in contact, after Nick graduated and got his dream job at Radio 3, eventually being promoted to Radio 1. It was Nick who suggested that Louis used his acting and hosting skills combined with his football knowledge to apply for a part time Radio 5 position. 

But, despite all of that, Nick and Harry were always greater friends. They shared the same stupid sense of humor, the same style, and even the same hair for a while. Louis always felt like the odd one out when they hung out together, no matter what. It was the main root of many of their arguments. 

What was the most astonishing was the fact that Nick was still talking to Louis, even though he made it clear that he was on Harry’s side of the break up. Louis didn’t want to even tell him that he was part of the reason why they had troubles. Nick had said, “Don’t you dare try and pit me against Harry because no matter what, I will be on his side. That said, you are still a pretty cool guy, Tommo.” 

“Louis. Of course I asked for you to be promoted. I couldn’t leave one of my friends in the slums of Radio 5 forever, now could I? I was hoping they would have promoted you to at least Radio 4 but having your own segment on Radio 5 is at least an improvement,” Nick said, glancing at his time clock. “I would stay and chat, but we have a guest coming in about twenty minutes and I think management is looking to set up,” Nick added, nodding to the impatient looking lady lingering outside of the booth.

“Right,” Louis said, standing. “See you same time next week?” Louis added, grabbing his mug. Nick just nodded, slipping on his earphones to introduce the next song. Louis slipped out, smiling graciously at the stuffy looking management lady as he walked down the hallway to the Radio 5 doorway. He had a two hour show about football,  which included taking callers and chatting about the new Manchester United lineup as well as their game against Liverpool. He had only a few minutes to prepare, so he was trying to hustle to collect his papers.  

It was as he glanced up before turning into the Radio 5 doorway that he saw Harry, standing at the reception desk to the left. He had his BBC Radio guest pass, the one he used to see Louis and Nick at all hours of the day, even though Louis was just some part time employee for the understaffed Radio 5.  

Harry was wearing the pink polka dot shirt that Louis had bought him for Valentine’s day just a few months back, his sunglasses pushed up onto his head to keep his hair out of his face. Those were also the sunglasses that Louis had bought him for Christmas last year. His jeans had holes in the knees from some probably any of his various times being drunk and falling over. He was wearing his black boots, the ones with the little hearts charm for the zipper. He looked so extremely hot, Louis couldn’t help but stare for a moment. 

As Harry waved to the secretary and started towards where Louis was standing, Louis quickly ducked into the Radio 5 booth, his heart hammering in his chest. 

***

“Lou, are you still bringing Harry to the wedding?” Jay asked over the phone a week before the wedding. Louis had slept in because it was a Saturday, which meant he didn’t have to be up until the afternoon for his three hour afternoon time block. It was strange, not being at the studio from dawn until dusk every day, but Louis was glad to finally get some real sleep instead of spending every waking moment dedicated to advancing in the system. 

“Of course, why?” Louis responded automatically, wincing the moment the words left his mouth. “I mean, who else would I be bringing?” Louis added, trying to sound more casual. He pinched the bridge of his nose, wishing that he wouldn’t try so hard around his mum.  

“I just picked up on this feeling that maybe something had gone sour between you and Harry, since he hasn’t came to visit Lottie in these last few weeks, not even when I asked him to see the wedding dress. He just said he was busy, but I figured after so many weeks of him not showing, maybe he wasn’t going. Plus, you haven’t been living with him these past few weeks,” Jay explained, her voice sounding worried over the phone. 

Louis winced, trying to think of some excuse for why him and Harry were distant. There wasn’t particularly a good reason, since Harry’s schedule was supposed to lighten a bit because of Lottie’s wedding, but Louis couldn’t mention that to his mother. 

“Like I said, mum, me and him have been squeezing in every moment together, but when Harry is trying to study for his finals and finish his stuff for his last big project, I feel almost in the way at our flat. I’ve just been staying at Zayn’s since he is with Niall in Ireland currently. If Harry demands on working and studying until he falls asleep on his textbooks, there isn’t much I can really do, you know?” Louis said, rubbing his face with his hand. 

It was almost as if he was rehashing the same argument with Harry from weeks before their big fight. It was after three nights in a row of Harry falling asleep on his textbooks that Louis had mentioned him quitting his job, or at least not taking as many shifts. That had set something off in Harry, and he lashed out at Louis for a moment before pulling it together. Louis had rubbed his feet and made him tea that night to try and make up for it, but it was hard for Louis to ignore when Harry was treating his own body badly. 

“Okay, Louis. Just let me know if plans change suddenly or summat,” Jay said. They exchanged goodbyes before Louis dropped his phone heavily on his chest, knowing he had a hard call ahead of him. The wedding was in a week, and Louis still was claiming to bring Harry when he hadn’t talked to him in nearly 7 weeks. 

***

Louis didn’t call Harry until Sunday night because it was the only time that Louis knew Harry was guaranteed to answer the phone. Louis knew that Harry never picked up shifts on Sunday, and the most he would be doing was studying or finishing his final paper or something. 

The phone rang for too long before Harry answered with a slow, “Hello?” 

“Hey, Harry. It’s Louis,” Louis said, wincing at the desperation that was laced in his voice. Louis hoped that the desperation didn’t show over the phone. Louis also hoped that he didn’t sound so awkward on the phone as he felt. 

“Hey, Louis,” Harry said quietly. There was a pregnant pause between them as they both breathed, neither quite knowing what to say. Harry sounded quiet and sort of sad, but it could also be the fact that Louis was so nervous he was just projecting his own feelings onto Harry. 

“So, Lottie’s wedding is next Saturday,” Louis said finally, squeezing his eyes tight shut in anticipation. He had no idea what Harry was going to say to him. He hoped that Harry had something to say to try and kickstart the conversation. 

Harry sucked in a sharp breath. He stayed quiet for a moment, as if thinking of what to say. “I know,” Harry said slowly with baited breath. 

“So, I was wondering if you were still free for that day,” Louis said, pinching his own thigh so he didn’t say something stupid like  _ I miss you _ or  _ I can’t breathe without you here _ . Louis shoved his fist as far as he could into his mouth to try and prevent himself from saying anything else embarrassing.  

“I left that day open. I didn’t know if you still wanted me to come,” Harry said quietly, his voice small on the other end of the line. Louis wanted to just hug Harry tight to his chest like he used to when the pressure got too much for him. 

“I have a predicament, Haz, and I need your help,” Louis blurted, his voice coming out in one big rush. He immediately cursed himself for using the nickname, knowing that he sounded desperate. He took a deep breath, waiting for Harry’s response. 

“What kind of predicament?” Harry asked, as if he were unsure of what to say. Louis wanted to take back what he said, take back the past few weeks, take back all of their fights and just fix this, but he had to wade through the awkward and uncomfortableness that was between them. 

“I may have said that you were still my date for the wedding. And I haven’t mentioned that we broke up to my family yet. They all still think we are together,” Louis said, pressing his lips together tightly. “Sorry,” Louis added after a beat of silence.  _ I still love you so much _ . 

“If it makes you feel any better, I hadn’t told my family about our breakup either. I haven’t told really anyone besides Nick and Liam,” Harry said, his voice coming out kind of rushed. Louis’ heart started beating faster, his jaw slackening. 

“Really?” Louis said in surprise, his eyes widening. “I figured you would have, since you kicked me out and all. Thought we were over for sure when that happened,” Louis added, tapping his fingers nervously on his leg. 

“I never wanted to kick you out,” Harry said quickly, his voice rushing. “I just didn’t know what to do. It made sense at the time, but it doesn’t now.” 

The silence between them stretched, Louis pondering what Harry had just said. Harry didn’t say anything either, the both of them just breathing into the phone. Louis could hear the noise of keys at the front door of Zayn’s flat to where Niall and Zayn were probably back from Ireland. 

“I still want to go to the wedding with you,” Harry said, interrupting Louis’ thought process. “I’ll meet at your house Friday night at 8, alright? That’s the earliest I can probably get a train up there,” Harry added, eagerness in his voice. 

“Sounds good to me. Make sure you have a good suit. I like the red floral one we bought at that second hand shop. Looks the best,” Louis said, inwardly groaning at his own choice of words. The floral suit was Louis’ favorite thing that they had ever found together. It was the best thing they could have ever found at a second hand shop, the suit being Harry’s size and needing very minimal alterations to be tailored perfectly.  

“Then you better wear that speckled one that I like,” Harry added before hanging up, leaving Louis breathless. The speckled suit was from Louis’ first Radio 5 check, it being for a gala that BBC Radio 1 was holding, Harry wearing the floral suit for that occasion as well. 

It brought back another swell of memories from the times where they were still happy with each other without it being tense or quiet in their flat.  

That was how Zayn and Niall found him, lying on their bed with his mouth hanging open and his heart racing from a ten minute conversation with Harry. Louis had always known that Harry was going to be the death of him, but he didn’t think it would be quite literal. 

*** 

Friday brought all kinds of nerves that Louis couldn’t quite calm. At work he was all over the place, spilling his tea on his notes and tangling himself up in the cables around the chair. It was pure luck that Louis didn’t say something stupid on air. 

The moment he got back to Zayn and Niall’s flat, he packed his bag and went to the train station, not even bothering to say goodbye to them since they were going up for Lottie’s wedding in Zayn’s old car tomorrow morning. Plus, any goodbyes would have been completely forgotten with the two of them hotboxing the bathroom. If Louis had to guess, they were going to be useless until late tonight, so there was no point in even talking to them. 

His 2pm train to Doncaster was right on time, Louis getting on quickly so that he could have ample room for his suit and his bag. Before the train even started moving, Louis had music in his ears and a book in his lap, prepared to do anything to take his mind off of the fact that he was going to have to see and talk to Harry and act like a couple with Harry by tonight. 

At one point, Louis must have fallen asleep because he was awoken when the train jolted to a stop in the Doncaster station. Louis excused himself around the woman who had taken the seat next to him, grabbing his suit and his overnight bag quickly, emerging into the station. With a little over a half hour before he was due back home, Louis grabbed a tea and a pastry at one of the little carts, sitting at the rickety train station benches to eat it. Louis hoped the sugar would somehow calm his nerves, but if anything, it made him even more hungry and was completely useless in his attempt to calm down. 

By the time he arrived at his mum’s house, things were in full swing. 

Fizzy was preparing a roast for dinner, with Lottie sitting on the sofa, her feet in a tub of steaming water, her nails drying in front of her. “Hey, Louis,” she called out loudly, her voice cutting through the other noises of the house. Somewhere, one of the twins were vacuuming, and Ernest and Doris crying and running away from his mum, Jay chasing after them with shorts for their bottoms. 

“I’m assuming the bride gets a free pass on insanity?” Louis asked, dropping his bag at the foot of the stairs and hanging his suit on the banister. Louis walked over and sat next to Lottie, turning to the tv to see a rerun of Keeping up with the Kardashians. 

“The perks of being the bride,” Lottie said with a smile, holding her hands up to blow on her nails. Louis leaned his head on her shoulder, peeking at the perfectly painted pale blue nails. 

“Where’s Dan? And which of the twins is running the vacuum?” Louis asked, kicking off his Vans and pushing them underneath the coffee table. On the screen, Kim screamed about something one of her sisters did, and Louis couldn’t help but roll his eyes. 

“Dan works until six, so he won’t be home to fix anything until at least then. And Phoebe is vacuuming, in case you’re wondering. Causing a disaster,” Lottie said, sighing. 

“I’ll fix it,” Louis said, sighing as well. He stood in socked feet, strolling to the staircase with purpose, climbing the stairs to find the vacuum on but no one using it, both Phoebe and Daisy sitting in their rooms, each on their laptops. Louis quickly moved to unplug the vacuum, wrapping up the cord as neither girl moved. Louis put it back in the hall closet, rolling his eyes at the lack of movement from the girls. 

Louis walked down the stairs and grabbed his stuff, walking it to the back of the house where his old room was. It was the den, but Jay had deemed it too small to fit all of the Tomlinson-Deakin children, so when Phoebe and Daisy came along, the room became Louis’. It was currently a toy room for the youngest twins, with his old bed being replaced by a fold out couch, but it still had his old Doncaster Rovers poster on the wall and the nick in the paint where he accidentally bumped his dresser when he moved it from one side of the room to the other. 

Louis dropped his stuff off in the room, hanging his suit on the door, when Ernest came barrelling through the door, waving his arms in the air and wearing nothing but a pair of tiny briefs. Louis snatched him before Ernest could do anything else, tossing him on his shoulder and walking out to meet his mum in the other room with the rogue child. 

“Ah, Lou, I didn’t even realize you were home,” Jay said, Doris on her lap with all of her clothes in the proper places. 

“Figured someone had to keep this house in check while Dan is at work,” Louis said with a shrug, Ernest bouncing on his shoulder. “I’m also delivering this one to you,” Louis added, flipping Ernest back over and onto his feet so he could stand in front of his mum. Ernest just giggled, complying as Jay slipped a shirt over his head and shorts onto his legs. 

“When is Harry going to be here?” Jay asked, patting both children on the bum as they ran away, presumably to where they left their toys. 

“Eight. He had to work today,” Louis said, not knowing if it was the truth. Maybe that was something that he should ask Harry. “At least, I thought he had work since he couldn’t get a train earlier than 5:30, but he said he might be stopping by the radio station to talk to Nick so I have no idea,” Louis added after a moment, picking a piece of lint off of his jeans and looking away from his mother. He could tell, even without looking at her, that she was staring at him.

“Louis, tell me truthfully, are you having troubles with that boy?” Jay asked, brushing a piece of stray hair out of her face. She gave Louis such an intense look of protection and adoration that Louis almost didn’t want to lie. 

Louis shook his head. “Me and Harry are fine. Same problems that couples have when trying to get somewhere in life, you know? I just got my promotion, and Harry is trying to work and study, so things get rough, but it’s nothing that we can’t handle. Both of us are just a little stressed, but I assure you that everything is alright,” Louis said, trying to include as much of the truth as possible. 

Louis always felt horrible lying to his mum, especially when she was so honest and open with him. This, however, was a matter of protecting himself. He wanted to make sure that his mum wouldn’t hover over him when she should be focusing on the fact that her first daughter is getting married. 

Plus, Louis still had hope that he and Harry would be back together by the end of this weekend. At least, if what Harry said was anything to go by, it made Louis even more hopeful. The two of them fit like puzzle pieces, and if they could fit together again, Louis would be so happy he might even propose right there on the spot. 

“Babe, I just want to make sure that you are taking care of yourself. I know how you get when you’re hiding something, and I can tell when you’re not your best. Just, let me know if anything happens, alright?” Jay said. After a beat she pulled Louis into a hug, one filled with motherly love and warmth. Louis could feel himself weakening under her touch, but he stayed as strong as possible, swallowing back a sob. 

“By the way, Phoebe and Daisy are sitting on their arses upstairs,” Louis whispered, pulling back right after he spoke. He watched as his mother scrunched up her nose, standing and walking to the stairwell. 

“Daisy! Phoebe! Get your lazy arses down here and do your chores!” Jay bellowed, her hair shaking with her movement. Louis laughed as Phoebe and Daisy slinked down the steps, Phoebe tossing her hair with so much sass that he could tell his mother was not appreciative. 

“Hey, if you two actually do your chores, me and Harry might take you out to ice cream or summat on Sunday before we leave,” Louis said, raising his eyebrows as he spoke. Daisy perked up, elbowing Phoebe in the side. 

“C’mon, Phebs. I want ice cream and you aren’t going to ruin it for me,” Daisy spoke in a stage whisper, dashing past her to go grab the trash bags. Louis could hear the scuffle as they argued in the kitchen, obviously disrupting Fizzy in her attempt to cook a roast. 

“Have you considered moving back in to help me tackle this lot?” Jay asked, running a hand through her hair. “With the youngest at 3, it’s becoming increasingly more difficult to manage them, especially with Ernest taking his clothes off all the time,” Jay added, sitting down at the dining room table with Louis. 

“You know that I have a job, a flat, and Harry, right? And those are all in London?” Louis said, pinching his own leg at his mistake of mentioning Harry. “Mum, no matter how much you want me to move back, I’m too much for this town and this town is too little for me. I doubt that the head DJ at the local radio station makes even as much as I do now in Radio 5,” Louis added with a snort, rolling his eyes at the audacity of his mother suggesting he move back to Doncaster after he spent so long making sure that he got out. 

“I know, I know. You and your boy,” Jay said, patting Louis’ leg as she stood, focusing her eyes down the hallway to where Ernest and Doris were fighting over some toy. “I have parenting to do. If you want to go have a lie down before Harry gets here to shake off some of that train ride, you can.” 

“Thanks, mum,” Louis murmured, watching as she walked to the other end of the house, pulling Ernest and Doris apart and giving them both separate toys, the both of them complaining. 

Before being roped into any more tasks, Louis snuck back to his old room, the babies toys littered all over and his bed still unmade from when he last stayed two weeks ago. Louis flopped on the bed, closing his eyes on the impact. He had three hours until Harry was due to arrive, and there was a swarm of butterflies in Louis’ stomach that wouldn’t go away. Louis resorted to checking Instagram, scrolling through aimlessly until he saw one of Harry’s posts. 

Since their break up, Harry had posted photos almost every other day, only in black and white. It was a stark contrast to the color filled pictures from before, Louis either being the subject or the photographer for hundreds of photos over the years. 

This photo was different, however. The photo was in black and white except for Harry’s floral suit, in full color. Louis audibly gasped, his hand flying to cover his mouth. It was the first thing with even an inkling of color since their break up, and it was the suit that Harry was going to wear to the wedding. Louis scrolled to see the caption. It was a singular rose emoji and a house emoji followed by ‘Going Home.’. Louis’ hand moved to his dagger tattoo, the one he got with Harry for their fifth anniversary. It was to symbolize how they were two halves of a whole, and they couldn’t be complete without each other. 

Louis immediately liked the photo. Directly after that he got up to take a photo of where his suit was hanging on the back of the door, posting it to Instagram with the caption ‘Coming Home’ followed by a house and a knife emoji. Louis pressed post without thinking, only knowing that it was the perfect thing to do. 

After a few minutes passed, Louis noticed that Harry had liked his photo. He had to have drawn the conclusion from what Louis posted, but he didn’t want to push it. Louis knew to let Harry do what he needed to and not to crowd him. 

Eight could not come around fast enough. After checking all social media multiple times, and kicking a football against the side of the house until his mum started yelling at him, he still had so much spare time that when they finally sat down for dinner at 7pm, Louis was wiggling in his chair from the nervous energy. Louis just wanted to go run a few miles or play footie with some mates but he could do neither, so sitting and jiggling his leg as fast as he could would have to do it. 

“Lou, you saw Harry earlier. I know you two have separation anxiety, but he is literally going to be here in like an hour,” Lottie muttered, elbowing Louis in the side. Louis ignored her, digging into his food with as much earnest as he could muster considering his nervous energy. 

“Lottie, you know he is just excited,” Jay said, scrunching her nose. “You’re probably even worse with Tom, you know,” Jay added, smirking knowingly. That caused Lottie to blush deeply, staring down at her food. 

Louis looked down at his food desperately, as if he could hide inside of it to avoid what was about to happen. He shoveled as much mashed potatoes as he could fit into his mouth, taking his time to process and swallow them. He listened as Fizzy complained about the bridesmaid dresses (which were mint green and weird shaped) and the twins argued about who would walk where while they were being twin flower girls. 

The youngest twins couldn’t care less about what the rest of them were doing, just eating their food and spilling on themselves without a care in the world. They watched the interactions between the girls, chirping along happily in half formed sentences. 

Before anyone was ready, Louis was collecting the dishes to put into the dishwasher, trying to occupy his time more usefully than sitting and pondering his exact moves when Harry entered the house. Louis wondered if he could even touch Harry without going crazy. After going so long without getting to touch Harry, he was unsure of how he would be able to keep his hands off of him. 

The task of washing the big pots and pans from the meal occupied so much of Louis’ brain that eight o’clock came before Louis was prepared, Harry walking through the door at exactly 8:04. When he heard his mother answer the door for Harry, his heart dropped into his stomach, his hand almost slipping as he set the pot aside to dry on a towel. 

“Louis?” Harry called out from the living room, his voice high in question. Louis had to take a deep breath, drying his hands quickly on a towel. 

“Coming!” Louis called out, walking out of the kitchen and to the living room where Harry was standing with his overnight bag and suit draped over Dan’s armchair. Harry looked gorgeous in a simple Nike hoodie Louis had bought him once, his legs in his classic black skinny jeans. His hair fell in perfect ringlets, Louis yearning to touch them. 

“Babe,” Harry murmured as soon as Louis was close, pulling him in by his hips to kiss him. Their lips met in the middle, both hungry with something deep. Louis just wanted them to be back to them, and Harry had a sense of desperation that could only be felt. It was too passionate of a kiss for it to be a casual welcoming kiss, but Louis figured that it would at least clear the twins out of the room. 

Louis pulled back slightly, keeping his hands on Harry’s shoulders as he looked up into his eyes for the first time in weeks. Harry had this sad gleam in his eyes, the bags under his eyes unmistakeable. “I hate when we take separate trains up,” Louis whispered truthfully. 

“What if—” Harry started, his thumbs running underneath Louis’ shirt. 

“We took the car up instead next time?” Louis asked, completing Harry’s question. 

“Exactly what I was going to say,” Harry said with a grin, his eyes happy for a moment before his smile drooped a little, his eyes going a little sad. Harry just wrapped one arm around Louis’ waist, turning so that they were side by side, looking to where Jay was standing with a furrow in her brow. 

“Do you want food, Harry? We have roast,” Jay said, her forehead smoothing as she spoke. She glanced between their eyes, then to where they were connected at the hip, then back to the way Harry’s arm was a little stiff and Louis was trying to restrain himself from tackling Harry and smothering him with kisses and apologies. 

“No, Jay. I had some dinner before I left, but thank you for the offer. If you don’t mind, I think we’re just going to turn in,” Harry said, smiling just the same as he always would. He peeled away from Louis, moving to give Jay a side hug and a pat on the arm. 

“Night, mum,” Louis said, walking over to give his mum’s arm a quick squeeze before he and Harry left the room, the rest of the girls already dispersed for the night. Louis followed Harry, bumping his hand with his own. Louis just wanted to entangle their fingers, kiss his knuckles, cuddle up to his back as they walked. But he knew that would be stepping the line. 

They made it into the room, Harry depositing of his stuff just as Louis had, his suit hanging right next to Louis’, his bag tossed next to Louis’ on the floor. Louis stood still as Harry flopped back on the bed, rubbing his eyes. He had ink stains on his hands and an elastic on his wrist. his hair splayed back against the sheets. 

“Can you get my boots,” Harry murmured, his eyes sliding closed. Louis moved wordlessly, unzipping and pulling off Harry’s boots with care before lining them up at the end of the bed, like he used to do almost every night. Louis sat back on the floor, looking at where Harry’s legs hung off of the bed.  

“I still love you,” Louis blurted, unable to control himself. Harry’s legs stilled completely, the bed creaking as Harry sat up. “I love you more than the earth and the sun and the stars combined, and I just want you to know that,” Louis added, his voice quieter. 

Harry remained silent. After a few long beats, Louis stood, turning his back away from Harry as he walked towards the door. He didn’t know what he was going to do, but he couldn't be in the same room after his love proclamation gone wrong.

“Don’t go,” Harry said from the bed, his feet hitting the ground with a thud. “I wanted to… talk,” Harry added, pausing just a little bit too long. Louis stood with his back facing Harry, his fingers fiddling with the ends of his shirt. He contemplated continuing to walk out the door, but Harry was his one weakness. 

“We can talk,” Louis said, turning back to face Harry. 

“Can you sit, please?” Harry asked, scooting over to pat a spot next to him. Louis complied, sitting so his knee was almost touching Harry’s. “I want to say first, that I’m sorry for kicking you out. I had no right to do that,” Harry said, picking at a piece of lint on his jeans. “Both of us take ownership of that flat, no matter how small and shitty it is. We should have talked it over,” Harry added, taking a deep breath. 

“Second, I think that you were right, Louis,” Harry said, his voice strong and clear. Louis’ eyes snapped from his lap to Harry’s face, searching it for any other emotion. “You were right about me needing to quit my job at the bakery, so I did,” Harry added, his fingers playing with the hole in Louis’ jeans, his bare fingers barely brushing against Louis’ skin.  

“Really?” Louis squeaked,his mouth wide with disbelief. Harry nodded, his finger tracing tiny circles into Louis’ knee where it was exposed. Louis looked down, his eyes tracking Harry’s fingers for a moment. 

“Really,” Harry murmured. When Louis looked up, Harry was looking back at them. Harry’s eyes dropped to Louis’ lips. Louis started to lean in, the two of them meeting halfway in a soft kiss, eyes squeezed shut as they tentatively brushed their lips together. Harry leaned in with more pressure, his hand snaking up and around Louis’ neck, his fingers tangling with the hair at the base of Louis’ neck. 

The kiss turned more passionate, Harry licking into Louis’ mouth slowly, methodically. Louis pulled himself closer to Harry, his fingers automatically sliding under Harry’s shirt and onto his hips where he knew the laurels were tattooed. Louis’ thumbs traced over the tattoos, pulling Harry slightly closer to him. 

Harry pushed Louis back, pushing him back on the bed. He balanced himself over Louis, one hand pushing the hair back from Louis face as he took a good, hard look at him. They breathed hardly, their chests heaving together. “Oh, Lou. I want this so bad,” Harry murmured, shifting where he was half hard against Louis. He leaned in for another quick but passionate kiss, Louis chasing after his lips when he pulled away. 

“There is so much we need to fix still,” Harry whispered, his fingers brushing against Louis’ cheekbone. Louis gripped Harry’s hips tightly, looking up into his eyes. His eyes were so green, even in the dim lighting. Louis couldn’t help but want to apologize for everything. 

“I’m so sorry, Harry. For everything,” Louis murmured, trying to pull Harry impossibly closer. Louis leaned up and kissed Harry, his eyes closing as he desperately tried to convey all of his passion through the kiss. 

Things got extremely heated then, the two of them leaning up to remove shirts after only moments. Harry tugged on Louis’ jeans, pulling them as far as he could before they both had t o stand and pull off their respective jeans. Harry struggled with his own, but he shed his pants before Louis had to say anything, his cock hard and curving up towards his belly. 

“I’ve missed this,” Louis said quietly, his eyes raking up Harry’s body slowly, as if anything changed in the short months they were apart. Louis dropped his own pants, kicking them aside. 

Harry was speechless. His eyes looked at the part on Louis’ hips, just to the side of his hipbone. It was a nautical star inked into his hip, just about fist sized where his boxers would usually hide it. Louis’ eyes dropped to the tattoo, and then back to Harry. 

“When did that happen,” Harry said, swallowing thickly. His eyes didn’t leave the tattoo, where the lines were dark and a stark contrast to Louis’ pale skin. Louis ran a hand over it, the skin feeling no different than before. 

“A few days after you kicked me out. I got a promotion to a newscaster for my own segment on Radio 5, and I used my bonus to get this. I know we talked about me getting this for a while, but it felt right,” Louis said, thinking back to that day. He went into the shop with Harry on his mind, and left with Harry on his mind. It was too much at the time, but Louis figured another nautical tattoo to go with the rest of his made sense. 

“You got it even though we weren’t together,” Harry murmured, his eyes not leaving the tattoo. When his eyes finally met Louis’ again, they were hungry. He pushed Louis back onto the bed, kissing him deeply. Before Louis could tangle his fingers in Harry’s hair, Harry was kissing down his body, stopping to suck a gentle bruise on Louis’ chest tattoo, just below the ‘what’. 

Harry’s lips trailed down Louis’ body, leaving little nips as he went, his mouth pausing just a breath away from Louis’ cock. Being the tease he was, Harry ducked away from Louis’ cock, leaning to suck a bruise right on the new tattoo, his teeth sinking in gently before sucking, his fingers tight as he gripped Louis’ thighs. 

“Ah, Harry,” Louis moaned, fighting to keep his hips still. He shut his mouth quickly, remembering that they were back in his childhood home, not their flat back in London. 

Harry wrapped one hand loosely on Louis’ cock, leaning in and taking Louis into his mouth, sinking down until he met his hand, his cheeks hollowing around Louis’ cock. He bobbed his head a few times before pulling off, licking a fat stripe up the underside of Louis’ cock. 

Louis brought his fist to his mouth, biting down on his knuckles in his effort to stay quiet. His other hand moved to tangle with Harry’s hair, fingers tight on Harry’s scalp. Louis’ hips twitched as Harry sucked him down. Louis bit down a gasp as Harry’s fingers ghosted across his balls, giving only a tug of warning before he came down Harry’s throat, moaning into his fist. 

Harry pulled off with a pop, licking his lips. “That was fun,” Harry said, smirking at where Louis still had his fist shoved in his mouth. 

Louis removed his hand, leaning up to kiss Harry roughly, wrapping a hand around Harry’s cock, using the precome that had gathered at the tip to lubricate. Louis jerked him off, licking into his mouth intently. Harry came only a minute later, moaning into Louis’ mouth as he came into his fist. 

They both fell back onto the slightly sweaty bed, their breathing hard. Louis reached out and tangled their fingers, wiping his dirty hand onto his pants off the side of the bed. Louis was grateful for the fact that he tossed his briefs towards the bed rather than away as they made a great rag for wiping his hand off. 

“Talk tomorrow,” Harry murmured, squeezing Louis’ hand. 

“Tomorrow,” Louis promised, squeezing Harry’s hand as if to confirm.

***

Louis woke up with his arms wrapped around Harry’s torso, his face smashed between his shoulderblades. One of his legs was thrown over Harry’s, and their bare skin was smushed together in a familiar way. Louis let himself relish in the moment, breathing onto Harry’s bare back. 

The moment Louis tried to pull away, Harry’s arm tightened on his, trapping him in place. “Don’t move, please,” Harry murmured, his voice barely audible over the whir of the fan in the hallway. Louis could hear the hustle and bustle of his mother running about the house, little kid stomping feet following after his mother’s softer feet. 

“Babe,” Louis murmured, pressing a soft kiss to Harry’s spine. “Do you know what time it is?” Louis asked, his voice soft. 

“Half past seven,” Harry murmured, reaching over to the bedside table to grab his phone. When he pressed the home button, Louis could see that his lockscreen was from when Harry got a day off of classes and they went to the zoo, kissing in front of the elephant exhibit. His background was a surprise photo when Louis was changing, just in his jeans and no top. 

“Fuck me,” Louis murmured, his eyes sliding shut. Louis thought of what they did last night, and how much they needed to hash out. “Did you want to talk now, or later,” Louis murmured, his fingers tracing across Harry’s abdomen where he knew his butterfly tattoo was. 

“Can we just enjoy before we have to get all pampered? After the wedding or summat,” Harry said back. He snuggled his bum back into Louis, eyes closed. 

They lay there for a long time, relaxed in each other’s arms. Louis could hear his sisters slowly waking up as his mum walked through the house, yelling various things about how they had hair and makeup appointments at 9am. By the sounds of it, Fizzy wasn’t getting up and the twins were acting unruly under Dan’s care. 

“Should we help?” Louis asked, arms tightening around Harry. Louis held tight to Harry, not quite wanting to let go yet. Harry sighed under his arms, grabbing his phone again. When Louis glanced over his shoulder at the screen, he could see that his mum had texted Harry something about knowing Harry was awake and that he should wake Louis up. 

“I’m guessing this is a yes,” Harry said, tossing his phone aside. Harry pulled away from Louis, his body covered in goosebumps from the cold air outside of the bed. He pulled on one of Louis’ jumpers and a pair of joggers, too short on both his arms and legs. 

“I’ll get up soon,” Louis murmured, flopping into the warmth of Harry’s side of the bed. What Louis wasn’t expecting was Harry tugging on his leg, slowly pulling him out of the bed. The blanket started to fall off of him, Louis letting out a loud squeal as Harry pulled him all the way out of bed, the both of them flopping on the floor. 

“C’mon, Lou,” Harry murmured, pressing a kiss onto Louis’ bare stomach, nosing the soft layer of hair there. Louis squirmed under Harry’s weight, giggling under Harry’s peppering of kisses. “Love being happy with you,” Harry murmured, his fingers digging into Louis’ hips. 

Louis paused, his lips finding Harry’s for a moment. They kissed slowly, like they always had. The soft press of lips with no intent but to be close to each other for those moments. Harry’s hands were soft against his hips and Louis let his hands rest gently on Harry’s shoulders, one hand sliding to tangle in Harry’s hair. 

Two loud knocks on Louis’ door brought the pair out of their embrace, Louis sighing deeply and Harry leaning up, his body still covering Louis’ important bits. “Louis. I know you’re awake. Don’t make me come in there,” Jay said sharply, her voice cutting, even through the door. 

“I’m getting up, I swear,” Louis called out, his hands sliding away from Harry. Harry clambered off of him, digging in Louis’ bag and tossing him a pair of joggers and socks. Harry then moved over to his own bag, pulling out a jumper for Louis to wear. Louis slipped the clothes on quickly, making sure to pull the socks over his already cold feet. 

“Want me to make up some brekkie if there isn’t any?” Harry asked, pulling his messy, unbrushed hair up into a bun. Louis nodded, snagging a beanie from his bag to stuff over his hair, smushing it all back and away from his face. 

When they emerged from the room, the twins were running around in just their underwear, their tiny child bodies still soft with full bellies. Dan was chasing after them, not sparing Louis or Harry a second glance as he chased the twins down the hallway to where their own room was, the twins splitting up and running opposite directions. 

Louis shrugged at Harry’s pointed look, turning and walking towards the kitchen, seeing his mum standing at the stove with a pan of eggs in front of her and breakfast smells wafting towards them. 

“Look who finally got up,” Jay said with an eye roll, stirring the eggs once more before turning the stove off. “Made up some scrambled eggs and there is bread next to the toaster, ready to be cooked. Harry, you know where everything is if you need anything else,” Jay added, kissing them both on the forehead before walking out of the room. 

“Guess I’m kinda making brekkie,” Harry said with a smile, leaning over to peck Louis before making their toast. Louis sat at the kitchen island, watching as Dan ran back and forth from the downstairs hallway and into the living room, trying to at least put shirts on the twins. 

The older twins stomped down the stairs at promptly eight, matching scowls on their faces with their dress bags on their arms. The main difference between them now, despite the fact that Daisy was half an inch taller, was that Phoebe had cut all of her hair off into a short bob while Daisy had hair that hung down to her waist. 

“Food,” Harry murmured, sitting next to Louis as they watched the exchange at the front of the stairs. Louis bit into his toast, looking to where the twins were, looking down at their phones. Fizzy stomped down the stairs with equal verve, her own dress bag trailing on the ground behind her, dark circles prompt under her eyes. She looked dead on her feet, her laptop poking out of her bag. 

Jay ran down the stairs, Lottie not far behind her, their dresses in their bags as they moved. “Fizzy. At least you didn’t get stood up at the wedding itself,” Jay said, her voice trying to be sympathetic, but Louis could tell that she was stressed about the situation and wanted things to go more smoothly. 

“I don’t want to talk about him,” Fizzy scowled. When the twins snickered, bumping shoulders and smiling, Fizzy nearly lost it. She smacked both of them on the head, walking past them and out the front door before anyone could say anything else. 

“Boy troubles?” Louis asked, eyeing the way the four girls looked nervously at each other. Lottie nodded, her fingers in knots. The twins looked up from their phones for one moment only turn them around, showing Louis the guy that was apparently going to be Fizzy’s date for the wedding. 

“Don’t worry, Lou. He said he might not be able to make it since he is with family, and she is just bummed that he couldn’t,” Jay said, trying to keep the tone light. “Now, girls, let's get out of here. Louis, I’ll be back by 11am. I expect everyone, including Dan and the rascals to be ready to leave this house by 11:30am, got it?” Jay added, giving a pointed look to both Louis and Harry. 

“Of course, Jay,” Harry said with ease, pinching Louis’ back to remind him to sit up straight and agree. Louis smiled to his own mother in a way that he hoped seemed genuine. It looked genuine enough because Jay waved and herded the rest of the girls out the door. 

“Think we can watch an episode of Game of Thrones before they come back?” Louis asked, elbowing Harry. 

“Of course,” Harry said, a bit of fire in his eyes. He was down the hall before Louis could react, taking his plate with him. Louis chased after, his socked feet sliding on the hardwood as he dashed back to his room and swung the door shut behind him. 

***

Harry adjusted Louis’ collar one more time, smoothing it against his chest. Harry was opting for a conservative look, buttoning every last button on his fresh black button up. His hair was casually thrown back, all of his rings adorning his fingers. He was wearing plain black dress shoes, completely shiny and fresh from polish. 

Louis had his shirt all the way buttoned as well, the new white cotton extremely crisp. The pale blue pocket square that Louis had tucked into his pocket accentuated the flecks of white in the suit. His dress shoes were freshly shined, thanks to Harry. His hair, was arranged across his forehead in a perfectly messy fringe. He left the dusting of facial hair, making sure that it was smoothed down over his face. 

Harry had insisted on a brushing of foundation across both of their faces, just to give them an even skin tone. Harry especially took time to add a bit of contour,as if he needed it. “Babe,” Harry said with a pointed look when Louis had asked about it. 

“Let’s go!” Jay hollered, her voice loud and bouncing throughout the house. The pair walked into the main entrance where everyone was gathered, Jay taking a headcount. 

The bridesmaid dresses Lottie picked were a pale blue and simple with an empire waist and soft fabrics flowing down to just knee length, little cap sleeves. They looked almost like the dressing gown that Wendy wore in Peter Pan. Fizzy looked completely bored and over the whole situation, despite the flower crown in her hair and the delicate application of sparkly pale makeup. The younger twins looked childish in the dresses, barely any makeup on their faces. Daisy’s hair was styled into a cascading trail of curls while Phoebe’s short hair just had a flower crown dropped on top. 

Jay looked amazing in a dark blue dress, her hair done up with a flower tucked behind her ear. She looked complementary to the lighter blue dresses, her dress more sophisticated looking. Dan was dressed in a black suit with a blue tie, his hair slicked back. His tie matched exactly with Jay’s dress, making them look quite like a power couple. 

Lottie had her dress in a bag on her arm, waiting to put it on until she got to the venue. Since it had a long train, it was probably the best for her to wait and not get the train dirty before she even got there. 

“Look at you two! You and your fancy suits,” Jay exclaimed, leaning over to brush invisible dirt off of Harry’s shoulder and smooth down Louis’ lapel. It looked as if Jay was going to cry, the way she looked between them. 

“Thought we were leaving,” Louis said, tapping the watch on his wrist. “Looks as if it’s eleven thirty,” Louis added, smirking. Harry tapped the back of Louis’ hand with his knuckles, sharing a similar smile. 

“Right, right,” Jay murmured, grabbing her tots in their fancy little blue outfits before bustling out the door, Dan following right behind. 

***  

Lottie looked absolutely gorgeous. 

Her hair was freshly platinum blonde, a slight purple blue tint in the sunlight. It was pulled back around the temples, the rest of her long hair flowing down her back in gentle waves. Her dress was sleek and beautiful, strapless with a laced bodice flowing down through the mermaid silhouette . Where the dress flared out was ruffles that trailed behind into a long train, the back of the dress dipping down on her spine. Her veil was simple, adorned with flowers where it attached to her hair. Her bouquet was simple with a mix of white carnations and roses. 

“Beautiful,” Harry murmured, touching Louis’ hand. Louis watched as Mark, Lottie’s birth father, walked her down the aisle. The two of them looked nervous, Lottie walking in slow patient steps in order to balance on her heels. Mark was very stiff, his dark grey suit obviously rarely worn. 

“I can’t believe it,” Louis muttered, sliding his hand onto Harry’s knee, giving a gentle squeeze. Harry covered Louis’ hand with his own, sliding their fingers together. 

There had once been a time where all Louis wanted was to see Harry walk down the aisle, watch as his hair blew in a gentle wind and his suit would fit snug and perfect. Louis had always assumed that it would be the future, that he would propose eventually.  _ By the time I’m thirty _ , Louis had always thought. 

Now, seeing the wedding and how joyful everyone looked, and knowing the way he felt with Harry, Louis wanted a wedding. He wanted the feeling of knowing that Harry was going to be the one for as long as they both lived. 

Louis wanted to be happy with Harry forever.

***

The reception afterwards was nice, with the sunset casting an orange glow over the outdoor tables, drinks being served from the bar and food being served from two separate hired out food carts. The large wooden dance floor that had been laid out especially for the event was filled with dancers, the slow songs having been slowly replaced with more upbeat songs as the night went on. 

Louis leaned heavily on Harry’s shoulder, their dancing slow despite the more upbeat song playing. They stood at the edge of the dance floor, slowly swaying as they watched the sunset over the trees. 

“Why did we ever fight to begin with?” Louis asked, leaning heavily against Harry’s chest. “I mean, all I said was that I wanted us to move into a bigger flat. I mean, BBC Radio pays pretty decent, and I don’t think that we should have to live in a shitty flat, especially when we both hate it,” Louis mused, his fingers playing with the loose curls at the back of Harry’s neck. 

“Louis, do you hear yourself?” Harry said, pulling back. Louis’ arms dropped abruptly from around Harry’s neck. Harry stood there with his arms at his sides, any bit of smile falling from his face. 

“Harry, what did I say?” Louis asked, sighing defeatedly. Louis’ dropped to his sides. They stood there, just a foot away from each other, staring deeply into each other’s eyes. 

“You really didn’t learn a fucking thing, did you,” Harry said. He shook his head, eyes dropping to his shoes. “It’s not all about you, Louis. Don’t speak to me until you figure it out,” Harry added, spinning away. Louis watched him walk away. Harry’s shoulders were stiff, and he brushed Jay away with a quiet comment, his sister jogging after him. 

Louis walked back to his table, sitting heavily in his chair. Harry’s place next to him seemed so empty now. The stationery for letters to the newly wed couple were still sitting on the placemats, Harry’s scrawled on and turned over. Louis felt like it would be rude to read Harry’s, but he knew what he was going to write now. 

He hoped Lottie wouldn’t mess up her relationship like Louis had. 

***

When Louis got back to his house, Harry’s stuff was gone. His suit bag, his duffle, and even Louis’ overnight bag. All Louis had was his suit bag and a change of clothes Harry had obviously left out for him next to his backpack. 

Louis promptly burst into tears. Harry had always packed for Louis, as long as Louis could remember. Louis was probably the absolute worst at remembering everything, and to know that Harry had packed his bag brought Louis to tears. He even left Louis his softest jumper, one that they had shared for as long as Louis had known Harry. 

No one had to know that Louis cried himself to sleep that night, sobbing into the sleeves of the sweater. 

***

“Zayn, I think I fucked up,” Louis said the moment he saw Zayn again Sunday night. Zayn was lying diagonally across his couch, Niall sitting at one end with Zayn’s feet in his lap. Neither of them moved, their eyes trained on the footie match on the tv. 

“How are you going to fix it?” Niall asked, his hands moving to rub Zayn’s feet. They looked so calm, serene. Louis wondered how he and Harry could go from being like that to fighting almost the next moment. 

“Niall, I have no idea how to fix it,” Louis said, already tearing up. “I love Harry so much, and the first moment I think we are going back to being us and talking about our future, he says that I haven’t learned anything,” Louis whines, rubbing at his forehead. 

“Did you learn anything from your fight?” Zayn asks, turning his head to glance at Louis. They meet eyes for a moment, Louis running over all of the pain he had gone through in the past two months. 

“That I love Harry with every fiber of my being,” Louis answered, so sure of himself. Zayn’s disapproving look didn’t soothe Louis’ nerves. Zayn shook his head, sighing deeply. 

“I could have told you that, Lou. You really didn’t learn anything. If Harry isn’t telling you outright what it is, then he obviously has a really big issue with it. Maybe this is your sign to really ponder what you did wrong,” Zayn said, shrugging his shoulders. 

“But I have no idea what to do,” Louis said, wiping his face hopelessly. Louis looked to Niall for some form of support, but Niall had the same neutral face as Zayn. 

“Look, Lou. I’ve known Harry for a long time, almost as long as you’ve known him. I know that Harry is a straight up person. He is very vocal about his feelings, especially when it comes to other people annoying him. He isn’t the kind of person to be passive aggressive. Think back to any previous fights you’ve had, and maybe that will give you the clue to why Harry is so pissed now. If I had to bet, you’re a repeat offender and this was Harry’s last straw,” Niall said, reaching back over the couch to give Louis’ hand a squeeze. 

“Shit,” Louis murmured, squeezing Niall’s hand back. 

***

Louis showed up to work Monday morning too early for it to be reasonable, sitting at his desk in the big office room, writing up his sports news for Grimmy’s morning program. He was the only one at the computers besides a few guys from Radio 3. Louis was almost disappointed that none of his Radio 5 coworkers were there, considering that most of the time they relied on Louis’ information for the entirety of their news segments. The rest of the time they just argued about which players were the best, which louis thought was unfair considering he did all of the work. 

“Louis, who knew you would be in early this morning,” Nick said, bumping shoulders with Louis as he sat in the chair next to him. “Preparing for your segment?” Nick asked, elbowing Louis. 

“Yeah,” Louis replied bleakly, rubbing his eyes. “Just thought I’d get an early start this morning,” Louis added. What he didn’t say was that he barely slept at all last night, and that after only three hours of sleep, Louis just wanted to get some work done more than anything. 

He hadn’t made any headway on his issue with Harry. He didn’t understand how wanting their lives to be better somehow made Louis the bad guy. But maybe Louis wasn’t seeing the big picture. 

“How was the wedding?” Nick asked, rifling through the papers Louis already printed for his segment. Nick hummed some Justin Bieber tune, bobbing his head as he read through the news that Louis had prepared. 

“It was good,” Louis said, his tone neutral. He didn’t want to give away any of the hurt that he felt from Harry while still staying happy for his sister. 

“It’s your sister's wedding, Lou. Shouldn’t you be happier?” Nick asked, giving Louis a look. “I thought Harry went with you. Figured you two made up or summat,” Nick added, stacking Louis’ papers neatly. 

“Harry told you about our fight?” Louis asked, turning to look at Nick. Louis’ heart flew into his throat. He swallowed thickly, fingers drumming against the desk. 

Nick eyed Louis. “He said that you two were in an argument about where you lived and each other’s schedules. Said you weren’t following your dreams, like he wanted you to, and that you wanted him to stop working so much. I have to agree with you about that, though,” Nick said, shaking his head. “Glad Harry isn’t overworking himself anymore,” Nick added, kicking Louis’ chair gently. 

“Is that all? Because I thought we were fixing things, but then we were talking and he said that nothing had changed,” Louis said, running a hand through his already messy hair. Louis let out a breath he had been holding, blinking away tears. 

“I probably shouldn’t be helping you, since you hurt my best friend, but I think I will this time,” Nick said, sighing. “I’m only doing this because I can tell you are just as hurt as he is, and you’re completely oblivious,” Nick added, his hand coming to rest on the back of Louis’ chair. 

“Nick, spit it out. I’m so fucking scared of losing him, Nick. I just need to know what to do,” Louis said, trying to convey his hurt to Nick. 

Nick thought a moment, studying Louis’ face. “I’ll give you one hint, Louis. Harry really doesn’t appreciate your selfishness. That is all,” Nick said, standing. “See you in an hour for our show,” Nick added. He smiled, tight lipped, before walking back out of the office. 

Louis sat and thought. Louis had always known that he was considered quite selfish, but he didn’t realize that it extended to when he was around Harry. He had always thought that he had been selfless when it came to Harry, giving him all of his being in order for him to be happy. 

***

**Sunday night, 8 weeks ago**

_ “So, babe, our lease is up in a few months, right when school ends for you. I was thinking that with the little bit of money I saved up, that we could move into a place closer to the Radio station. Plus, then we can have a good place near a central underground station and I wouldn’t have to commute so far for work,” Louis said, drying the last dish and setting it in the cabinet.  _

_ “I thought that we decided you were going to quit your job at Radio 5 since it was making you so miserable,” Harry said, sweeping up their front room. Harry stopped and leaned on the broom, his hair swept back from his face beautifully.  _

_ “Yeah, but I figured that maybe I could work there a little longer. It’s at least a steady job while you’re looking for a school to teach at,” Louis said with a shrug. “I decided that maybe Radio 5 would just be good enough for now,” Louis added, dropping his drying towel on the counter.  _

_ “But, Louis. We decided that you would just quit your job. We can struggle for a while, you know,” Harry said, his brow furrowing. Harry gripped the broom tightly, tight lipped.  _

_ “I know, Harry. But I thought that you could just finally quit that ridiculous job at the bakery, and I could keep my job at Radio 5, and then it would all be good. I could probably get a promotion faster than I could land another job,” Louis said, bending down to pick up the apron that fell down earlier.  _

_ “Louis, listen to me. I thought we decided to resign the flat and just work out of here for a while. That way I could find a job before we decided to move. We agreed, Lou,” Harry said, looking down as he swept the dirt into a little pile.  _

_ “I know, Harry, but I thought that this would be better,” Louis said, walking over to where Harry was standing. He wrapped his arms around Harry, pressing his cheek against Harry’s shoulder.  _

_ “You didn’t ask me, though,” Harry muttered, almost too low for Louis to hear. Harry shrugged Louis’ arms off, moving away from Louis.  _

_ “Babe, what’s wrong?” Louis asked, reaching out to touch Harry’s arm. Harry flinched away, rolling his eyes at Louis.  _

_ “Lou, we’ve talked about this. You really need to ask me first before you make decisions for the both of us,” Harry said, bending over to sweep the dust into the pan. Harry stood and walked to their wastebasket, dumping the dust inside.  _

_ “Harry, I don’t get it. I just want what is best for the both of us,” Louis said, furrowing his brow. “Isn’t that enough?” Louis asked.  _

_ Harry shook his head, leaning the broom against the wall. “It’s the same thing with the gifts we got for our families this year, and your choice to work at BBC Radio to begin with. Why can’t you just ask me first. Lou? All I’m asking for is to ask me first. Aren’t we supposed to be a team?” Harry asked, his voice just barely loud enough to be heard.  _

_ “Harry, I thought that you wanted me to get a job. That’s what we talked about when we were having trouble making rent,” Louis said, his voice too loud in the room.  _

_ “Louis, I said to get a job you wanted, not to take the first job that came along. You’re miserable at the station, and I said that we could struggle, and I thought that was what we decided on. You don’t listen when I’m talking to you, Louis,” Harry said, sagging against the wall.  _

_ “I do listen,” Louis said, stepping towards Harry.  _

_ “You really don’t! Time and time again I tell you to make decisions with me, and yet you go out and do the opposite of what we talked about,” Harry said, huffing. When Louis reached out for him, he shied away, closing his eyes.  _

_ “Harry, I don’t get it. I thought I was making good choices for us,” Louis said, furrowing his brow.  _

_ “That’s just it,” Harry said, shaking his head. “Lately, all it’s been is  _ I.  _ You know what, Louis, all I really wanted was for you to ask me so that we could be a  _ we _ again,” Harry said, sniffling.  _

_ “But, I thought that’s what I was doing,” Louis said, reaching out once more.  _

_ “Get out, Louis. Get out,” Harry said. “And don’t come back. I think that we need a break,” Harry said, turning away. Harry went into the bathroom, presumably to wipe away the tears that had started to roll down his face. _

***

Louis knew that showing up on Harry’s doorstep at near midnight Monday night was probably not a good idea, but he finally realized it. He finally thought back to the fight they had so long ago. It wasn’t about them moving, or the things that they were going to do together, it was about the fact that Louis wasn’t listening. 

Louis wanted them to become a  _ we _ again. 

He knocked loudly on their door, hoping that Harry would answer quickly. He was rewarded with Harry answering almost immediately, surprised at the fact that Louis was standing there. 

“I’m sorry, Harry. I’m so sorry,” Louis said, choking down the tears that had already started to form. “I just wanted the best for the both of us, especially with the hardship we were going through, but I didn’t realize the toll it had taken on our relationship until now. I’m so sorry, for everything, Harry. 

“I’m sorry for taking the job at the station. I didn’t realize that it meant so much to you, having a say in the final decision. I didn’t want to worry you with trivial stuff, like where the money was coming from to pay for this place. I just wanted you to focus on school, and be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, Harry, was your happiness. 

“I’m also sorry that I never asked you before making decisions. I should have asked because those decisions were important and they affect the both of us. I just wanted us to be happy together again. I thought that I could save you stress by handling things, but it just seperated us. I don’t want us to be separated anymore, babe, I just want us to be together again,” Louis said, holding his hands together in front of him. 

“I love you more than you could ever imagine. With every fiber of my being, and I want you to know that. I will do anything it takes to make us a we again, and if it means making mutual decisions about everything from the big things like moving to even the kind of toothpaste we use, I’m willing to do that,” Louis said. With Harry just standing there, Louis dropped to his knees, begging. 

“Louis, I’m so sorry for hurting you,” Harry whispered, his hand resting on Louis’ shoulder. Louis hugged his torso, pressing his face into Harry’s belly. Louis let out an ugly sob, crying into Harry’s stomach. “I love you so much, Lou. More than anything,” Harry murmured, his arms circling Louis’ shoulders. 

“We’re back to being us again?” Louis asked into Harry’s stomach, holding him as tightly as possible. Louis didn’t lessen his grip on Harry, instead holding him tighter, his arms wrapped around Harry’s thighs. 

“Yes, yes, yes,” Harry said, tugging on Louis’ shoulders. “Get up here so I can kiss you,” Harry said, pulling Louis to a standing position. 

Harry pulled him into a kiss, sliding his hand up into Louis’ hair, cradling his face with his other hand. He kissed Louis fiercely, tugging him impossibly close, stepping backwards and pulling Louis into their apartment, kicking the door shut as he backed up into their bedroom. 

“I love you,” Louis murmured into Harry’s mouth, reaching for Harry’s jeans. 

“I love you, too,” Harry murmured back, smiling brightly. 

***

For the first time in two months, Louis woke up in their apartment, in sheets that smelled like Harry and with his face buried in Harry’s curls. It was more than Louis could have ever asked for. 

Harry moved back into Louis, mumbling a good morning that was so soft and sweet. Louis kissed the back of Harry’s neck, shifting so that he could tighten his arms around Harry. “Love you,” Harry mumbled. 

They both winced as Louis’ phone chirped loudly for his alarm, Louis reaching down to his jeans to extract his phone, His clock said 6am, his usual wake up time for Monday mornings. He noticed he had a text from Nick, saying that his management was interested in talking to him today. Louis’ eyes lit up, Harry glancing over his shoulder to read the message. 

“Looks like a promotion,” Louis said, smiling. “Maybe I can get out of the Radio 5 hellhole,” Louis added, biting his lip. 

“I forgot to tell you, Louis, but I applied at this primary school not far from the station, and I have an interview in a week. They are thinking of hiring me for a kindergarten class next fall,” Harry said, spinning in Louis’ arms to look him in the eye. “I might have a job next fall,” Harry said, his eyes lighting up. 

“Harry!” Louis said, leaning in to kiss him quickly, pulling back to look at the joy on Harry’s face. “So, what do you think about moving?” Louis asked. “I want to know if you want to move, of course. It’s up to you,” Louis added, fingers trailing down Harry’s arm. 

“Yes. Yes, of course, Louis. Thank you for asking,” Harry said, peppering Louis’ face with kisses. 

_ I love you more than the stars and Earth combined, _ Louis thought as he leaned in to kiss Harry, his hand tightening around Harry’s bicep.  _ More than anything.  _


End file.
